Changing the Tone on Sour Behavior

I have given the topic of changing the tone on sour behavior a LOT OF THOUGHT over the last year, as my child has found being four years old to be quite challenging.  Here's what has been working for us.  The over all approach is to change the tone and assert my authority.  It has been working for the most part, and it's made life more livable.   


1. Keep cool, at least on the outside.  At least pretend to be calm.  I try not to let my anger turn into big reactions.  He matches my anger with more anger.  I don't succeed all the time, but MAN is it better when I stay calm.  Sometimes, I literally repeat to myself "Calm, patient, loving, consistent, firm." Or something like that.  Because it's HARD. 


2. House Rules.  We are not religious, but I was really noticing its absence in our lives with regards to rules about how we treat each other.  I made a poster of our house rules that we ALL have to follow, including listening and following directions, and my favorite: "Control yourself.  Act from a place of love, not anger."  We can recite them now, and I sometimes have him remind me what the house rules are.  Then there's the "Be Gentle: no hitting,..." etc. 


3. Incentives: We tried changing the tone of things with an incentive system. I noticed that his explosiveness is way worse around (surprise!) getting ready in the morning and getting ready for bed.  So we use a star system to get him something he REALLY wants.  When he does well enough (again, not perfect -- just working on changing the tone), he earns a star.  After 20 stars, he gets fancy new train tracks for his overpriced but really very good Brio Set.  Or a Micro Scooter.  Or a trip to JP Licks.  Whatever. 


4. CONSEQUENCES.  If he really violates the house rules (like totally loses control of himself and bites one of us, which has happened when he's too tired), the consequences kick in. We took his most prized possession, his LEGO away from him last week for a whole week, and I've been letting him earn them back with good behavior.  When he behaves well, he earns a day back.  When he behaves really terribly for a lot of the day, it adds a day.  And I remind him of the consequences.  That's generally all it takes.  I just gave them back this morning, and I made it clear that I can take them away again, but that he knows how to act in order to keep them. 


5. I physically, but gently move him (when I can).  When I can't physically move him, I rely on consequences more.


6. Reinforce a positive identity.  I remind him every day what a good, caring loving, helpful person he is and what a great member of his family he is.  I want him to identify as a good person who behaves respectfully and lovingly.


7.  Otherwise, Keep the tone light!  Our stress leads to his stress, so if we let him know that his behavior doesn't stress us out, he won't identify it as the only thing going on in his life.  This one is a really big deal.  He needs the time he spends at home to be positive and uplifting, so we try not to spend too long correcting his behavior or talking about it.  Just move onto the next thing, and keep the tone light. 

Things to tell my new parent self

This great post from Mommypotamus was inspired by Mother's Day, and I have to say I couldn't agree more.

Number 2 really resonates with me right now... to be "suspicious of the quiet toddler."  Last week when I was getting ready in the morning, it was suspiciously quiet for a minute or so, after which point Calvin said, "snow!!!" ... and then he walked into the bathroom carrying an upside-down and now empty box of breadcrumbs.  I dashed into the kitchen to clean up the "snow" only to discover that the "snow" was trekked all throughout our (this time thankfully) tiny apartment.  Be suspicious of quiet toddlers.

In addition, I'm so happy to see her mention to check your babies for tongue ties and lip ties yourself.  Unfortunately, most docs are not properly trained in this area and don't diagnose them most of the time., and right now, a lot of parents are just having to advocate hard for themselves.

Anyway, check it out!

11 Things I Wish I Could Tell My Pre-Momma Self

Don't want someone to breastfeed in public? Would you rather they breastfeed in the bathroom?

What You're Really Saying When You Tell Moms Not To Breastfeed In Public

Students at a college in Texas put together an ad campaign to show "what you're really saying when you tell Moms not to breastfeed in public," as Huffpost puts it.

Tongue Tie and Lip Tie Survey

https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/tonguetiesqualitativesurvey

Hi there!  If you have a child who has/had a tongue tie or lip tie, please consider taking 15-20 minutes complete this survey about your experiences.  

This kind of research is key to promoting the importance of getting tongue ties and lip ties checked and potentially getting pediatricians properly trained and informed on the significance of tongue tie and lip tie.  Currently, there is a strong body of clinical and observation evidence as well as a growing body of experimental evidence, but not much in the way of survey data.  

Continue to Tongue Tie and Lip Tie Survey

Guest Post about Tongue Tie and Lip Tie

As word about tongue ties and lip ties grow, I wanted to reshare this post from Vasowhat?!?!  about her journey working to breastfeed her kiddo with tongue tie and lip tie -- and what she went through to get the ties diagnosed. 

We Made It! From Vasowhat?!?!

Indian Food Kick

I have been on an Indian food kick, which means that I've been attempting to make it since it's quite expensive.  Bonus: when we make it at home, Calvin is more likely to try it than when we are at a restaurant in the most distracting of all distracting environments.

I have discovered a couple of recipes that Calvin seems to very much enjoy (as long as I keep the hot peppers moderated).

I might as well mention that I"ve put these on my Pinterest Page, which I use less to find things and more as a bulletin board for online recipes.


Saag Paneer, the famous spinach and cheese dish that is the perfect balance of creamy and spicy, courtesy of the Food Network.


This particular recipe calls for yogurt.  I used full fat FAGE yogurt, and I should also mention that I omitted the paneer (cheese) altogether.  You can use potatoes, too, to make a dish that is called "aloo saag."  In addition, I used a pound of fresh spinach cooked for 2 minutes in hot water rather than frozen.  I then used an immersion blender to make it smooth.

Note: this recipe tastes wayyyyyy better after it has settled for a few hours.  I would recommend making it ahead of time.

Red Bean Curry from the Smitten Kitchen



This recipe is probably my current favorite DIY Indian dish because it really does come close to tasting like what you might have at a restaurant, or even better.

I use red beans made from scratch in the crockpot.  Ideally, the beans would soak for 6-8 hours and then cook in a crockpot overnight with onions and salt.  They don't need much more time than that.  If using black beans instead of red beans with a crock pot, then I cook them for 24 hours.

I serve both of these recipes over rice.  Sometimes I use basmati rice when I have it on hand, but otherwise, I use long grain brown rice.  The trick is really how the rice is prepared.

Lindsay's rice that is fit to serve with Indian dishes:
1 cup rice (basmati or brown long grain rice)
Water
       If using basmati rice, then use 1 3/4 cup water.
       If using brown rice, then use 2 cups water.
10 or so cumin seeds
1 tbsp butter or olive oil or a combination thereof
1/2 tsp  - 1 tsp salt

Cover in a pan, cook until rice is done (approx 10 min for basmati and 40 min for brown rice).  Optional:  Add 5-10 safron fronds, stir in.  Set aside and fluff 3 minutes later.

These recipes have broken up an otherwise monotonous menu plan of black beans, kale, and some kind of grain, whether it be quinoa or rice or noodles.  It's nice to mix things up a bit, isn't it?  I know Calvin likes it, but let's be honest: so do I.

I just give him food.

An article in the New York Times recently documented the baby food industry's reaction to its decreasing number of sales due to more parents making -- shhh -- FOOD for their babies.

That's right.  Can you believe it?  Rather than purchasing costly (and often ghastly) jars or pouches of baby food, some people are just giving their children food?

Some of the reasons acknowledged by the food companies are that parents are wanting to offer their children as close to the whole food as possible, avoiding things like preservatives.  Some parents want their kids to be eating only organic food.  Some parents are making their own purees to cut down on costs.  Still other parents are finding that higher cost but higher convenience pouches work for them.  All of those are valid points.

But I think they've missed one of the big points.  A lot of parents just want to give their kids regular food

Good Mothers.

This particular article about what good mothers do came from lots of sources to me, so I figured I'd share it.  Thanks to Aria, an online mothers forum of which I am a part, and numerous other media streams for sharing.

Good mothers love their children.

Raising an Ethical Child

Forgive my sometimes tongue-in-cheek tone in this post.  It's about parenting advice based on the latest research.  I relate this information mostly because I find it interesting and helpful for me to reflect on  my parenting in general, not because I'm interested in espousing a particular philosophy.  With those caveats in place, let's check out a couple of new-ish lines of thought.

In the '80s, people were all concerned about raising children with high self esteem by praising them for being smart.  The idea was that if kids had high enough self-esteem and thought they were smart enough, they would think they could do anything!  Unfortunately, since then, ample research has shown that that method was most effective at raising a lot of kids who were afraid to fail and therefore afraid to take risks and potentially excel.  They were basically afraid of not appearing to be smart.

Now what do we do?  Parents who have looked this up have probably read that it's probably a better idea to praise kids for trying hard because they tend to perform better and they're not too afraid to try.  If you're interested, check out this video on increasing grit...

...and this video of being praised for their praised for effort rather than intelligence...

Alright, now onto the next one.  You've figured out how to raise a hard worker who's not afraid for fail, but what about raising a kid who has good morals?  Well.  That's a whole other kettle of fish that I hadn't really ever considered.  I'm not a religious person, and I recoil at the word "moral."  I'm more comfort with the word ethical -- it seems less entrenched in a cultural or religious value system.  But now we're just talking semantics (and let's face it, I love semantics).

This recent article from the New York Times suggests that if you want to raise a moral (or ethical) child, it's best to praise them for being a good person when they do good things.  Doing so helps them to identify as a good person.

But what about when they do bad things?  Current research cautions against telling kids that they are being bad because -- two sides of the same coin here -- then they'll identify as a bad person.  And we don't want that.  We want them to identify as good people because then they're more likely to do things like share and smile.  Therefore, researchers advise chiding them for the bad actions the children did rather than focus on what kind of person their actions indicate they might be.

For now, I find all this research compelling, and I basically try to follow the advice, although not to a T.  Because after all, I don't want my kid to be a total pushover workaholic.  More importantly, who knows what the unintended consequences of this advice will be?  Let's experiment and find out.  It's never stopped us before!

Continuing on with Tongue Tie Awareness Raising

This article from Parents.com highlights tongue tie as one of the top breastfeeding issues.  That's great!  This is a step in the right direction.

But I gotta tell ya: I am disappointed not to see lip tie on this list as well.  As awareness raising about tongue tie continues, a lot of people haven't heard of lip tie, which was my son's issue.  In addition, if there is a posterior rather than anterior tongue tie, there is almost always a lip tie.  If unaware providers don't look for it, how in the world would you ever know?

That said, I'm glad we're getting there.  Let's keep up the good work!

Check all the babies! Raising awareness for tongue tie and lip tie

I am part of Advocates for Tongue Tie Education, and the group has been working on coming up with easily share-able images to post on social media.  So.  This is me, bombarding the internets. You can be sure I'll be blasting Facebook and Twitter, too.

Please share.  It's such a quick thing to do, and you never know who this information will help.

Sick Mom's Job-hunting Manifesta

While the challenges of being a stay-at-home parent are a whole subject on their own, this post is about being a sick parent looking for a job and paying for daycare at the same time.  It is also about the emotional challenges I face with this particular struggle and coming to terms with what I feel are my real job qualifications (at the bottom, for those of you who can't wait).  

We are paying for child care because I want to work, and I am treating the job search like a full time job.  I don't want to give up his spot because it took ten months to get him into daycare, and when I get a position, I bet they won't want to wait ten months for me to start until he can get back in again.  In the hopeful event that I procure a full time position in under ten months, I'll feel justified.  When I get home from dropping him off, I network and send applications and go on interviews and follow up, and I look for more jobs to do it all over again.  I also do a small data collection project on the side that doesn't take up too much of my time because the whole point is to get a job, and this one certainly won't lead to a full time position.  By all appearances, my job search is going well.  I've had a few second and third interviews and several other promising prospects, all of which bodes well.  It's just taking a while.  

The usual advice for job seekers is to volunteer and accept unpaid positions, and those should theoretically lead to full time positions in the long run.  The problem is one of finances and time.  Right now, I don't have time to prepare high quality job applications and go on interviews if I am committed to too much free work.  When daycare closes, I have another job to do.  In grad school, I didn't have time to take on the extra internships or research assistant positions that look so great on a resume.  The fact is that I probably don't have as strong a public health resume as others since I just didn't have time to do that extra stuff.  And because I am a mother, I feel like a second class citizen as a job hunter, worrying whether a potential employer will not want to hire me if they find out I have a child.  In addition, there is the troubling factor that the unpaid positions that would look good on a resume in public health are often contracted for certain periods of time, and I can't commit to something unpaid for any amount of time right now -- if something offers me money, I'm likely to take it.  

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, and the Economic Policy Institute nicely explains why.  According to them, unpaid internships suppress social and economic mobility. People who can afford to work for free are the people whose families can afford to support them, and they go on to have high-opportunity positions; while people who can't afford to work for free end up taking something of lower pay to meet the bills and don't end up having the same high-level opportunities as the people who could afford to work for free for a rather long time, sometimes more than a year.  I am trying really hard to exist outside of that cycle.  It's increasingly frustrating for those of us who originally came from poor rural areas and can't actually afford to take on a lot of free work for the purposes of bolstering our resumes.  

The fact is that I am middle class now, but I my upbringing was not.  In Maine, we weren't considered socially poor since we had electricity and running water, wore new clothing, and weren't on government assistance, but we certainly qualified for it.  The fact is that Maine is a very poor state.  Where I come from, you're doing pretty well if you have a steady job and can afford to pay your bills on time and go out for Chinese food every few months.  No one works for free.  That's how I grew up.  That's my background.  

Make no mistake.  I like working. I want to work, and I want my next position to relate to my hard-earned masters degrees.  If  pressed, I'd prefer to be a research analyst or something similar because I find the analytical process energizing, and I've always enjoyed writing and analyzing data and considering its causes and implications.  Further, I don't want to be a stay-at-home mom.  That has never been my idea of a good time.  And just in case anyone was under the impression that my husband makes enough to pay the household monthly bills even minus childcare, allow me to correct your error.  I like working, and I also need to work.  

So I've dedicated my full time Mondays through Fridays to finding an exciting position.  But the fact is that I'm struggling with the finance equation right now.  The longer I keep my little guy in daycare to look for a job, the faster I'll run out of money, but the less time I'll have to look for a job, and then we'd lose his spot in daycare, which we will need when I find a job.  

And of course, there are the student loans coming on soon, which doesn't make me feel any better about leaving my previous job to pursue a couple of masters degrees.  That's something most people where I come from certainly do not do.  Getting my masters degrees wasn't a given, since I had a decent paying job.  I did it since I was assured that there are, in fact, jobs in public health, and I truly wanted to pursue my passion for this field.  

My feelings about this all tend to come to a head when I am sick.  Like any type A person, when I get sick, I have a hard time letting go and leaning back.  I have a hard time not trying to be productive.  I have a hard time resting and letting myself get better.  This is especially challenging when I have to get out of the house in order to take the kiddo to childcare.  If I could manage that when feeling sick, obviously, I can handle sitting in front of a computer and writing countless emails and carefully crafting cover letters for each position to which I apply.  The fact that I am not even getting paid for this causes me to feel the urgency of finding something that will pay me soon.  Surely, I can work through this sickness with the hopes of finding a job faster.  I don't easily forgive myself for days off.  

Prompted by this sense of urgency, I present to you my Sick Mom's Job-hunting Manifesta, my real resume.  Here are the things that make me special and that qualify me to work for you: 

QUALIFICATIONS

• My hard work is high quality.  I completed two masters degrees at Tufts University and got a 3.86 GPA while I had a baby during my second semester and didn't take time off. AND I breastfed. I wouldn't want to do it that way again, but now you know what I am capable of.  
• I have an incredibly supportive family, and that support propels me to pursue something resembling my dreams when, in general, people from my background don't really get to do that. 
• I can have a comfortable conversation with just about anyone from any background.  This comes in part from existing in and between enough social classes that I know my perspective and keep myself in check.  This self-awareness is crucial for research, especially in public health where the people who are the most at need are also generally the people from my original economic class.  
• Once again, I work hard. Hard work is a real value in Maine.  All the evidence shows that our country's economic system isn't exactly designed for socio-economic upward mobility, but I did it.  I have worked hard enough to go from living under the poverty line for most of my life to comfortably middle class for a while there.  I'd like to stay there and have an interesting public health career, and I will work hard to do it.

So there it is.  Maybe I should forgive myself if I take a nap to fend off my fever before I make dinner, put the laundry away, wash some dishes, and pick my wonderful child up from child care.  I sure hope someone reads this and hires me before I am financially obligated to take a retail job.

9 Things Not To Say To The Parents Of A Newborn

Courtesy of Lunchbox Dad, enjoy some more parent humor, this time about newborns.

This guy is got it.  Especially the one about asking parents what you can do to help.

In the first several weeks, people asked me all the time what they could do to help.  But, come on.  As if I had the brain power to think of what that would be when I was sleeping a total of 2 hours every day.  Offer things like: "I'll be over at 3:00.  Is that OK for you?  I'll clean the bathroom/wash dishes/fold laundry/run errands if you'd like privacy with the baby while I'm there."  I'd like to offer my thanks to the people who did that out of their own intuition.

Anyway, it's short and funny.  Read it.  "9 things not to say to the parents of a newborn"

Toddler Bedtime Humor

I LOVE this sneak peak at "The Honest Toddler" on "How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy Steps."  Yes, I do believe it's meant to sound as difficult as getting one of those thigh-masters to actually budge.  Is that reference too old?  I guess I'm showing my age again.  

How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy Steps

Shamelessly copied and pasted from the Huffington Post Parents.  Check out the original link above.

1. Announce that it's time to go to bed.

2. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.

3. Explain that bedtime is not a punishment.

4. Explain that bedtime is not a new concept.

5. Explain that, yes, bedtime will happen every night.

6. Console your toddler.

7. Announce that it's still bedtime.

8. Let your toddler know that we don't call names in this house.

9. Tell your toddler it's time to go upstairs.

10. Watch your toddler move at a snail's pace.

11. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.

12. Pick up your toddler.

13. Walk your toddler upstairs.

14. Pick out the wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.

15. Pick out another wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.

16. Explain that the right pair of pajamas are in the wash.

17. Explain that you will not be doing a load of laundry this evening.

18. Console your toddler while he/she cries.

19 Explain that in this house we don't call names.

Embracing the Moment

While I have not discussed my graduate work much in this blog, it is relevant to mention now that I completed my degree requirements and am now the proud holder of both a Master of Public Health and a Master of Science in Nutrition.  Why is this relevant?  Well, I am now on the job market (for those of you who are curious, I'm looking for opportunities involving applied research, program evaluation, and quality improvement).  And that means I have a lot of time on my hands when I'm not networking or sending out resumes and cover letters.  In all actuality, it's been rather busy.  But it's important for me to slow down and take this time to enjoy it.  Everyone always says that about job seeking, but I have decided that it's true.

Therefore, in the spirit of embracing the present moment, I am taking Calvin on a trip with me to visit a friend in Bruxelles, Belguim.  Daddy's staying home so he can keep raking in the big bucks that teachers enjoy.  So I'm traveling with a todder by myself. There are all sorts of ways this trip is embracing the moment.  For one thing, it won't be this easy for me to get a solid week off to go gallivanting in Europe once I start a new position.  Second of all, Calvin turns 2 in March, and he can only fly for free for another week or two.  Better do it now!  Third, I love you, New England, but this winter sucks.  Ticket prices were pretty cheap, and Bruxelles is experiencing temperatures in the 50s right now.  Sounds a lot better than slipping around on the ice and worrying about breaking my neck for another week.

To some people, a European adventure toute seule with a toddler while I'm broke might not seem like the best idea.  But, simply put, this is the most reasonable time to do something like this.  And I may as well.  Because otherwise, life will pass by in a blur. According to Claudia Hammond, whose fascinating interview on the perception of time I heard yesterday on WBUR's On Point with Tom Ashbrook, I would hardly remember this time at all since nothing else notable is happening.  I'd better make the memories while I have time to make them.

So, off we go!  The question remains of how to travel with a lap infant who, to be honest, isn't really an infant anymore, though will do fine on my lap.  Here's how I'm planning to make it work:

1. Make it an adventure!  Attitude is everything, and if I enter this trip in the spirit of adventure, treating every second as a treasure even if it's a tantrum or a flight delay, I can make it.  
2. Crayon Twistables, stickers, and paper.  He loves coloring right now, but crayons break and get everywhere.  That's not exactly what I want to deal with on a plane.  The crayon twistables are basically crayon pens or crayons in lipstick tubes that keep everything very controlled.  I wouldn't ordinarily spring for it, but it's going to be worth it for a trip.  
3. My friend has a spare bedroom.  That makes EVERYTHING easier.  Breakfasts can be pretty normal, meals can be cooked in, and we can get back to a quiet space after a long day.  And then I can close the door and leave the room when he goes to sleep and hang out with my friend some more. Score. 
4. Rent-a-crib.  I know, there are those of you out there who co-sleep on trips, but I worked too hard to get Calvin in his own bed to give it up now.  
5. Epi pen and benedryl for nut allergy and sleep.  
6. For the flights, I am planning to follow the advice of this Apartment Therapy piece that recommends asking for flight attendants to rearrange you a bit and block empty seats.  If the flight isn't too full, the carrier may be able to hook us up with two seats for the price of one, which would kill two birds with one stone.  One, we are less likely to annoy people directly next to us.  Two, he has a nut allergy, and that decreases the likelihood that he'll come into contact with nuts from people nearby.
7. Ergo baby carrier on the plane, but gate check the stroller for airport ease.  Following the advice of the Ain't No Mom-Jeans blog, don't make a toddler walk if you're tight for time.  And you know, that resonated with me since I'm always running late and we only have 1 hr and 10 minutes between flights, including getting through customs.  

All planning aside, I think probably the most important things are the epi pen and my spirit of adventure.  I'll let you know how it goes.  My assumption is that this is going to be awesome.  

A new era in holiday treats

My son has a confirmed nut allergy, so our family is needing to reconceive what a few holiday treats look like.  These family heirloom recipes have been transmuted and perfected, passed down over generations.  Our Cream Cheese Mints, one flavor of which is almond (my favorite) is now off-limits.  What will replace the pink "Cream Cheese Mint?" -- Cherry?  That will do.

OK, that one was easy.  Hit me with a harder one.

Oh, You mean, the peanut butter creams?  Can't help ya there.

Oh, sure, there's sunflower seed butter, which is definitely tasty once you get used to it.  I did a trial run substituting "sunbutter" for peanut butter, but it's not anywhere close to the same.  And, unlike the peanut butter creams, they definitely need the chocolate in order to taste good.

So has gone the conversation about holiday treats since his nut allergy was confirmed on November 18 in the second scariest doctor's appointment he's had.  (The first scariest was the one where we found out he wasn't gaining enough weight due to his then-undiagnosed lip tie.)  We have phased the peanuts, walnuts, and pecans out of the home, and just a few almonds remain, locked in a cabinet far away.  We should probably just toss them.

What scares me most is not what we can control under our roof, but how nut avoidance will be operationalized for a kid who likes to try what other kids are trying.  

Education in Boston

Education reform takes on new meaning to me now that Calvin is nearing the age that we have to start thinking about his schooling.

I just glanced over this Boston Globe Article "Re-image, rather than patch, Boston Schools" and I am struck by the simplicity of the notion.  Parents in Boston have no clear idea of where their kids will end up in high school, let alone whether they'll be among the 54% to actually get into the BPS system for kindergarten.  You enter a lottery for each entry point into elementary, middle school, and high school.  But the trade-off for that application system is not usually an awesome education where teachers have a lot of curricular control or flexibility to work with their specific set of students.  The current set-up is bureaucratic and top-down.  When I was volunteering at a a middle school in Roxbury, I was amazed that the teacher had to use math handouts from the central office that was somehow supposed to be adequate for all learners. What???

You can imagine how bizarre that strikes me as a person who grew up in a rural setting who knew, from the time I was 6, what school I would go to when I was 18.  There was a sense of cohesion.  The high school hosted events for us.  We formed relationships with older students and had district wide arts festivals.  I went to the high school's basketball games when I was in 6th grade.  The school served as a focal point for community events.

Contrast that to the fragmented Boston system.  I like the idea that this former commissioner has, and I hope the new mayor-elect Marty Walsh takes heed.  Otherwise, we are left with the daunting process of applying to public school without any sense of continuity or community buy-in.  And that sounds like a bummer.

Good job, Mama!

For the most part, unless you neglect or don't try, you're a good parent.  But it doesn't always feel that way when you're the parent and you're in the thick of it.  And you have no idea how to keep your kid in a good mood, or even be able to tell what they want.

I am lucky.  I have people in my life who tell me what a good mama I am.  I hope this article helps you feel like you're a good parent, too.  And if you haven't thought if it, tell a parent they're doing a good job next time you see them.  It might make them melt.

Tell a Friend: You Are a Good Mama!

Breastfeeding in Real Life

Maybe part of the problem with breastfeeding is that it is presented as rainbows and unicorns.  We don't generally see photos of breastfeeding mothers who are juggling two other kids or wiping running noses or eating their breakfast at the same time, teetering a spoonful of cereal from a distance likely to spill on a babe's head.  Pictures of moms lying down while breastfeeding because they are so tired (which is one of the aspects about it that benefited me most, personally).  Pictures of moms making funny faces with their kids.  This is the kind of thing that is going to normalize breastfeeding, not pictures of moms "breastfeeding on mountaintops" as "This is Breastfeeding in Real Life" complains.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, and it's often a lovely momento for a mother to have later in life.  But most of the time, it's just another way of feeding a kid, just like crackers and bottles.

Check out this lovely gallery.

And don't skip the video.  Or do.  In any case, here's a paraphrase of my favorite quote from the video:

"Usually when we see pictures of breastfeeding, it looks perfect.  But it's not perfect.  Real life is not perfect.  But just because it's not perfect doesn't mean it can't be beautiful."

Can I get a "Amen"?!

Maternity Leave Not So Great For Women After All? You idiots.

I highly dislike inflammatory article titles like "Maternity Leave Not So Great For Women After All" when the entire point of the article is to talk about maternity leave in the broad context and offer potential solutions.  Maternity leave is linked to better health for both mothers and infants and leads to women being happier. It turns out that countries that have generous maternity leave policies also have fewer women in executive roles in the workforce despite their returning to work in higher numbers compared to countries without paid leave.  That negative effect seems to be mitigated in countries where women and men have similar parental leave time, so doesn't it seem like equal parental leave for both parents is the solution?

Well, if all people saw was the headline (which, let's be honest, in the age of Twitter is reasonable to assume), clearly the problem is maternity leave.  Here are my take-aways from reading between the lines:

1. Americans don't expect fathers to want to or need to be around their children when they are infants and don't value the connection time as important. Could American readers find the idea of parental leave time distasteful?

2. The US isn't comfortable with the idea of women in positions of control, but we still like to SOUND like we are, and we'll look for any excuse to make it harder to make the case for maternity leave.

3.  America works too hard, and we have a higher rate of cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and other costly chronic illnesses that are directly linked to oxidative stress, and value work and working more than our families and health.  We will look for any excuse to make the case for being the only developed nation in the world without a parental leave policy let alone vacation time.

I have a real problem with people misinterpreting data for the sake of getting hits on their website.  But the article is worth a read despite its title.