Establishing Boundaries

After nearly 15 months of nursing little C to sleep (with the exception of his nursing strikes prior to fixing the lip tie), I am working on getting in his crib for his naps.  It takes a strong stomach, but I know it's time.  It feels right.  On Friday, he was really fighting the sleep.  He almost fell asleep nursing twice (as would be the usual method), but then he rolled over and started playing.  But I knew he was exhausted, so I moved him to his crib.  I stayed with him silently  looking on calmly as he worked through his feelings.  He cried for 15 minutes with several breaks, and then calmed himself and went to sleep.  We're on day four of this, and it feels good.  I think that his fighting sleep at the boob is him telling me that he's a big boy and is ready to go to sleep on his own.

That said, I also think that this change is expressing itself with him challenging me in other ways.  He keeps getting into things that he knows he's not supposed to get into, hitting, grabbing, and throwing food.  Not his usual temperament.  When I made him stop hitting me by holding him and saying "I won't let you hurt me," he burst out laughing yesterday!  At first, I thought, "WTF?"! But then I realized that maybe it made him feel happy to know that boundary was still there.  It's been a tough few days, but it feels good.

Yes, we've officially entered into the challenging zone of toddlerhood, and I have met it with a mixture of dread and awe.  One the one hand, Calvin's been incredibly sweet.  He likes to feed other people, play "hide and seek," "help out" with folding the laundry and washing up the floor, and awesome stuff like that.  He also sings to himself now, and I realized the other day that he is humming the tune of the "ABCs."  He will often take direction.  For example, anything he throws, I ask him to pick up and hand to me.  Up until 5 days ago, he did it every time and was happy to help.

But the other day, pick-up time it became a battle ground.  My rule is: I ask three times, and after the third time, I "help" him.  To "help" means to literally make the movements for him, or, if he's really resisting, do it while he watches.  That way, I am not asking over and over again and engaging in a power struggle that undermines my authority.  Well, every single item was me "helping him."  And chasing him down when he would run away.  And holding him there while he cried to make him "help me."  Ugh.  This is not the fun part.  But if I just let it go, he won't know that's a boundary anymore.  And that's no good.

I have been getting a good deal of strategies deal with challenging toddlers from Janet Lansbury.  In particular, this article, "5 Reasons Toddlers Won't Follow Our Directions" has been helpful. I find that her approach makes sense to me and gives me simple ideas that I can use.  Plus, it's a searchable website, which is WAY more helpful than a book.  I love books, but who has time to sift through that when you're trying to figure what to do about your toddler's tantrum?