Calvin went on a nursing frenzy a couple of weeks ago that made me
think I was ready to be done with the whole nursing thing -- at least
when he's not sleepy. He was super demanding, needy, attempting to
practice acrobatics while nursing, and being generally aggressive and
asking to nurse sometimes every 25 minutes. It was overwhelming.
The
next day, he only nursed three times in a 24 hour period.
Whaaaaaaa...? My friend Melissa McCue, blogger at Letters to Little and
my co-creator (let's face it -- creator) at TwoBlogMoms (soon to be
published), called this behavior an "extinction burst" -- a
psychological term for a the rapid repetition of a behavior that is
about to cease, or as in my case, sharply decrease. I'm OK with that
because, in reality, I am perfectly fine with nursing Calvin a couple
times a day as long as he is polite about (which is generally when he's
sleepy).
I wasn't planning to nurse this long at
the outset. When I got pregnant, I assumed I'd nurse for the
recommended year. Then the
first 6 months were such hell until we got the
lip tie revised that I didn't
want to wean him when he was a year old. Our nursing relationship had
just finally hit
somewhere positive, and I had no desire to interrupt that. Given how
hard the first 6 months were, I didn't think I'd make it the year, let
alone 7 months, so I was OK with continuing. But after that, I had no
plan. The plan was gone as soon as the "difficult" got easier. So now
we're still nursing at 18+ months.
So, while we're at
it, I'd like to talk about a major way that I have benefited from
nursing. We all know how healthy it is, cancer prevention, etc. We're
talking about the intangibles here.
Nursing has
taught me how to relax. I know that sounds funny, but I am a total type
A, wound up human being. It sometimes comes as a surprise to people I
haven't known for years and years, but I have anxiety. Nursing has
taught me how to truly relax my shoulders, jaw, and upper chest, in part
because the physiology of it doesn't work out smoothly if you're all
clenched up. That's a big deal coming from someone who sprained her jaw
from grinding her teeth at night while planning her wedding. But, more
importantly, along with the physical relaxation, my mind has come along
for the ride. I sometimes even just lie there and nap and cuddle
Calvin instead of attempting to squeeze in more work. What is best? I
am not worrying.
I have a history of not dealing well
with stress, and I'm not sure I would have made it through graduate
school alive if it weren't for the lesson on how to relax. Oh, it helps
that parenthood has chilled me out in general. I couldn't possibly do
everything I've done if I were attempting to do it all perfectly. But being encouraged to lie down and take a break helps a
lot.
And you know what else? Those nursing hormones are awesome. The process of nursing releases a hormone called "prolactin,"
which in and of itself causes relaxation. I'll miss it when it's
gone. And that's a big part of why I'm doing the weaning process slowly
and gradually. I have a feeling that stopping it will be harder on me than on Calvin.
In
reality, a lot of mothers continue to nurse past a year, but we're
usually quiet about it. In part, it's because of the taboo, so we
don't
talk about it much. In part, it's because toddlers
(usually) nurse infrequently compared to babies. They're too distracted
and excited about everything to take that kind of a time-out during
prime playing time -- that's why it usually just happens around sleepy
time. According to research done by Kathy Dettwyler from the University
of Delaware, most mothers who nurse into toddlerhood are mothers who
worked outside the home in middle-and upper-income families.
She says, "This is not the stereotype of the Earth Mother nursing the
child until
he's 5, and she also grows her own cotton and weaves her own diapers."
In general, most of the mothers nursed once in the morning at once at
night, the result being that people outside that family wouldn't
necessarily know about it.
The fact that most mothers
who nurse late into toddlerhood work outside the home makes perfect
sense to me. I spend so little time with him comparatively that, when I
get home, I am perfectly happy to have quiet snuggle time with him and
to nurse him. Furthermore, I don't want the small amount of time that I
get to spend with him on a daily basis characterized by painfully
emotional attempts to wean him completely. Plus, when I get home from a
long day of classes and homework, I get to lie down for a few minutes
before the frenzy of getting dinner ready.
This same article discusses something that is becoming increasingly
commonly known: the longer a child breastfeeds, the better off her/his
immune system is. For Calvin, that is sort of a big deal. He has some
food sensitivities and seasonal allergies, as well as a potential peanut
allergy (waiting for the test results on that one). His immune systems
is working overtime. The other day, we got home from daycare, and his
eyes were all puffy and he'd thrown up his lunch. As soon as he nursed,
his eyes depuffed, ate his dinner like a teenager, and kept it all down. For now, I know his immune system
still basically needs this. For Calvin, the continued access to
breastmilk is a bigger deal than for most other kids.
I
got my period for the first time since May 15, 2011 a few weeks ago
(yes, that was nearly two and a half years without menses -- another
perk of nursing for some women), and my milk supply dropped sharply with
the alteration in hormones. And that made him really upset. To the
point where he is expressing physical frustration when he's not really
sleepy, and that's not cool. So, I am establishing some rules about nursing manners and times of day. It's time. But we're not ready to stop.
