Parenthood is an exciting, confusing, rewarding, infuriating, isolating, and community-building experience. Through writing about my experiences and reactions to parenting-related articles, I aim to foster a sense of inquiry and inclusion rather than to promote any sort of ideal or philosophy. After all, most of us are just flying by the seat of our pants, doing what works and what feels right.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A new era in holiday treats

My son has a confirmed nut allergy, so our family is needing to reconceive what a few holiday treats look like.  These family heirloom recipes have been transmuted and perfected, passed down over generations.  Our Cream Cheese Mints, one flavor of which is almond (my favorite) is now off-limits.  What will replace the pink "Cream Cheese Mint?" -- Cherry?  That will do.

OK, that one was easy.  Hit me with a harder one.

Oh, You mean, the peanut butter creams?  Can't help ya there.

Oh, sure, there's sunflower seed butter, which is definitely tasty once you get used to it.  I did a trial run substituting "sunbutter" for peanut butter, but it's not anywhere close to the same.  And, unlike the peanut butter creams, they definitely need the chocolate in order to taste good.

So has gone the conversation about holiday treats since his nut allergy was confirmed on November 18 in the second scariest doctor's appointment he's had.  (The first scariest was the one where we found out he wasn't gaining enough weight due to his then-undiagnosed lip tie.)  We have phased the peanuts, walnuts, and pecans out of the home, and just a few almonds remain, locked in a cabinet far away.  We should probably just toss them.

What scares me most is not what we can control under our roof, but how nut avoidance will be operationalized for a kid who likes to try what other kids are trying.  
For a kid who really likes to eat!  When he gets older and I have to explain to him and hopefully help him understand how dangerous this allergy is, I have to be aware that he is going to make his own decisions.  There's only so much his parents and teachers can do.  At some point, just like with everything else in parenthood, having a kid with food allergies will require me to trust him before I am really emotionally prepared to do it.

I remain cautiously optimistic that food allergies will someday be mitigated and treatable.  A research study that took place in my back yard at Children's Hospital Boston shows that kids with peanut allergy can have their reactions lessened if exposed, in a CONTROLLED ENVIRONMENT, to infinitesimally minuscule quantities through immunotherapy.  That said, the research is new.  And it's a long time before Calvin would be qualified to participate in this.  Even still, his allergy severity might just be too high for it to be safe for him to have any exposure at all.  About 1 in 5 children can outgrow their nut allergies, but Calvin's reaction level indicated that he probably won't be one of those kids.  But I sure do hope that he can be treated for it someday, in this bright future.

Until that visionary reality comes to fruition, I will continue experimenting with "sunbutter" substitutes to my holiday favorites.  And now I don't even need to make any excuses about the large amounts of chocolate necessary to attain the proper flavor balance.

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