Who nurses into toddlerhood in the US, anyway? And other things I've learned from this whole nursing thing.

Calvin went on a nursing frenzy a couple of weeks ago that made me think I was ready to be done with the whole nursing thing -- at least when he's not sleepy.  He was super demanding, needy, attempting to practice acrobatics while nursing, and being generally aggressive and asking to nurse sometimes every 25 minutes.  It was overwhelming.

The next day, he only nursed three times in a 24 hour period.  Whaaaaaaa...?  My friend Melissa McCue, blogger at Letters to Little and my co-creator (let's face it -- creator) at TwoBlogMoms (soon to be published), called this behavior an "extinction burst" -- a psychological term for a the rapid repetition of a behavior that is about to cease, or as in my case, sharply decrease.  I'm OK with that because, in reality, I am perfectly fine with nursing Calvin a couple times a day as long as he is polite about (which is generally when he's sleepy).

I wasn't planning to nurse this long at the outset.  When I got pregnant, I assumed I'd nurse for the recommended year.  Then the first 6 months were such hell until we got the lip tie revised that I didn't want to wean him when he was a year old.  Our nursing relationship had just finally hit somewhere positive, and I had no desire to interrupt that.  Given how hard the first 6 months were, I didn't think I'd make it the year, let alone 7 months, so I was OK with continuing.  But after that, I had no plan.  The plan was gone as soon as the "difficult" got easier.  So now we're still nursing at 18+ months.

So, while we're at it, I'd like to talk about a major way that I have benefited from nursing. We all know how healthy it is, cancer prevention, etc.  We're talking about the intangibles here. 

Nursing has taught me how to relax.  I know that sounds funny, but I am a total type A, wound up human being.  It sometimes comes as a surprise to people I haven't known for years and years, but I have anxiety.  Nursing has taught me how to truly relax my shoulders, jaw, and upper chest, in part because the physiology of it doesn't work out smoothly if you're all clenched up.  That's a big deal coming from someone who sprained her jaw from grinding her teeth at night while planning her wedding.  But, more importantly, along with the physical relaxation, my mind has come along for the ride.  I sometimes even just lie there and nap and cuddle Calvin instead of attempting to squeeze in more work.  What is best?  I am not worrying.

I have a history of not dealing well with stress, and I'm not sure I would have made it through graduate school alive if it weren't for the lesson on how to relax.  Oh, it helps that parenthood has chilled me out in general.  I couldn't possibly do everything I've done if I were attempting to do it all perfectly.  But being encouraged to lie down and take a break helps a lot. 


And you know what else?  Those nursing hormones are awesome.  The process of nursing releases a hormone called "prolactin," which in and of itself causes relaxation.  I'll miss it when it's gone.  And that's a big part of why I'm doing the weaning process slowly and gradually.  I have a feeling that stopping it will be harder on me than on Calvin.

In reality, a lot of mothers continue to nurse past a year, but we're usually quiet about it.  In part, it's because of the taboo, so we don't talk about it much.  In part, it's because toddlers (usually) nurse infrequently compared to babies.  They're too distracted and excited about everything to take that kind of a time-out during prime playing time -- that's why it usually just happens around sleepy time.  According to research done by Kathy Dettwyler from the University of Delaware, most mothers who nurse into toddlerhood are mothers who worked outside the home in middle-and upper-income families.  She says, "This is not the stereotype of the Earth Mother nursing the child until he's 5, and she also grows her own cotton and weaves her own diapers."  In general, most of the mothers nursed once in the morning at once at night, the result being that people outside that family wouldn't necessarily know about it.



The fact that most mothers who nurse late into toddlerhood work outside the home makes perfect sense to me.  I spend so little time with him comparatively that, when I get home, I am perfectly happy to have quiet snuggle time with him and to nurse him.  Furthermore, I don't want the small amount of time that I get to spend with him on a daily basis characterized by painfully emotional attempts to wean him completely.  Plus, when I get home from a long day of classes and homework, I get to lie down for a few minutes before the frenzy of getting dinner ready. 

This same article discusses something that is becoming increasingly commonly known: the longer a child breastfeeds, the better off her/his immune system is.  For Calvin, that is sort of a big deal.  He has some food sensitivities and seasonal allergies, as well as a potential peanut allergy (waiting for the test results on that one).  His immune systems is working overtime.  The other day, we got home from daycare, and his eyes were all puffy and he'd thrown up his lunch.  As soon as he nursed, his eyes depuffed, ate his dinner like a teenager, and kept it all down.  For now, I know his immune system still basically needs this.  For Calvin, the continued access to breastmilk is a bigger deal than for most other kids.  

I got my period for the first time since May 15, 2011 a few weeks ago (yes, that was nearly two and a half years without menses -- another perk of nursing for some women), and my milk supply dropped sharply with the alteration in hormones.  And that made him really upset.  To the point where he is expressing physical frustration when he's not really sleepy, and that's not cool.  So, I am establishing some rules about nursing manners and times of day.  It's time.  But we're not ready to stop.